Thursday, October 22, 2009

My Top Ten Favorite Songs Of The Decade (2000-2009)

Two complaints I want to get out of the way:



1. No, I did not print this list in 2010, so I do not know for a fact that my Top Ten will remain unscathed entering next year. This is meant as a snapshot of my favorite songs from this decade as of October 22nd, 2009. I can say that the content of the list, and the rankings as you see them here, have little chance of changing, barring an unforeseen volley of brilliance from the music industry (I would place bets).

2. These are not my picks for the BEST songs of the decade, although obviously I think they are. They are the songs from this decade that have moved me the most powerfully, and consequently, this list is ranked by the psychology of which tracks affected me the most, peaking at the number one position. It's very simple.


10. The Wallflowers - 'Sleepwalker'

- The oddball selection of the list, first for my general apathy towards the Wallflowers (I barely like more than a handful of tracks they have released - 'One Headlight' being the pinnacle), and the bizarre lyrical content of the song, which is occasionally outrageous: "I'm in your movie and everyone looks sad. But I can hear you, your voice, the laughtrack. But you never saw my best scene. The one where I sleep...
Sleepwalk into your dreams." The emotional pull of the song is undeniable, however, and the crisp instrumentation buoys Jakob Dylan's raspy voice and gives the lyrics a dream-like undertow. This is the most lush and successfully 'epic' mainstream single to come down the pike in many a moon.

9. Alien Ant Farm - 'Sarah Wynn'

- One of the most powerful and devastating songs about substance abuse ever made, Alien Ant Farm's 'Sarah Wynn' is an intensely personal and affecting of one man's love for a hopeless heroin addict, contrasting his warm memories of affection with heartbreaking pleas. The singer pleads all he can, but accepts and seems reigned to the inevitable tragedy of her situation: "What the hell were you thinking? I can't help you know, Sarah. Why the hell were you shooting up? Now you're coming down, Sarah." A bleakly hopeless, but nevertheless humanistic and pitifully humane ode to a fallen friend and lover, this is the peak of AAF's quietly impressive career.

8. At The Drive In - 'One Armed Scissor'

- For pure visceral impact, few could do better than At The Drive In, and they never put the pieces together as successfully as they did on 'One Armed Scissor' ever again. The relentless urgency of the guitar lines, the descending thumb of the bassline, and the increasingly oppressive lyrics portray a dark, nail-biting voyage into the unknown, the band's pummeling unity bringing the arguably ridiculous events of the songs closer and closer to complete eruption (upon which the band savagely delivers with the explosive chorus). In terms of sheer power, this track is the premiere argument for naming At The Drive In one of the most powerful and effortlessly assured bands of its time.

7. Incubus - 'Megalomaniac'

Incubus' most direct flirtation with the arena of politics, " A Crow Left Of The Murder" (one which they have since abandoned following the album's rapidly dwindling sales), produced some of the band's finest, most focused work. Among these is the best track of their career, the vital and endlessly energetic politick explosion 'Megalomaniac', which denounces the leader of our government circa 2005 (mr.youknowwho) with a cutting, razor-sharp edge: "Hey Megalomaniac, you're no Jesus, yeah you're no fucking Elvis. Wash your hands clean of yourself baby and step down. Step down. Step down." The guitar work is even more vicious, spitting out memorable riff after riff, but allowing for some much needed levity with the graceful, lilting mid-section of the song, which allows Incubus to indulge in some rather effective R.E.M. emulation. Their tragic shift from the album's strident and affecting tone backl to more standard fare with 2008's "Light Grendes" renders this as perhaps the peak achievement of the band's career for all time.

6. Chevelle - 'Closure'

A deliciously sharp and twisted descent into seething vitriol, 'Chevelle's 'Closure' evidences little subtlety in it's sonic barrage, using the relatively silent and suppressed first verse as a setup for the blisteringly manic second verse, which takes the band's considerable ability into full overdrive. The singer's slowly building anger builds with the guitar's shuffling menace into a wall of dense mania that the band has seldom approached afterwards, and never bettered. Taken as a couplet with 'The Red', this track can be seen as a part of a thematic couplet exploring the themes of the band (mostly, the primal force of the human id) in their most crystallized form, shedding alt-rock cliches and leaving a sizable imprint upon the listener's psyche, as well as their eardrums.

5. System Of A Down - 'Chop Suey'

- System Of A Down's most popular song by a mile, a thematic continuation from their early highlight 'Soil' (which decried the death of one of Serj Tankian's best friends via suicide) is a song with unending force and a cathartic intensity. The band creates a feverish intensity with Serj's machine-gun vocal delivery, Daron Malkian's guitar stomps, and John Dolmayan's thunderous drum beat, quickly escalating from anger and sharply observed details of parental abuse to unremitting tragedy, which is extended further into the heartbreaking bridge, which lays bare the conflict - and shattering desolation - of the song's subject. System Of A Down have many excellent pieces of work (their collective discography displays no weak links), and this song stands in particular as one of their finest products, a searing work of genuine emotional depth.

4. A.F.I. - 'Great Disappointment'

- After a string of gradually improving albums to kickstart the 2000's (dating back to the band's landmark 1999 record, "Black Sails In The Sunset"), A.F.I finally reached their creative peak with the densely atmospheric and melodic "Sing The Sorrow", the rare mainstream record that uses it's increased budget to improve and tighten the overall sound of the music. The best of these tracks, the slow-building epic 'The Great Disappointment' starts with a lone bassline, soon accompanied in sequential order by drums and guitar, building to a powerfully baroque forest of sound, punctuated by staggeringly beautiful guitar melodies and Davey Havok's piercing cries, which renders the song's triumphantly tragic chorus a pummeling surge of dark energy and increasing bleakness. After this creative peak, A.F.I. would still create noteworthy albums and singles, but no album of their since has unified in sound as well as "Sing The Sorrow" and no song of their entire canon holds the hypnotic grasp of 'The Great Disappointment'. Indeed, few contemporary songs do.

3. Eminem - 'Stan'

Eminem's shattering soliloquy about the vagaries of fate and the unexpected consequence of fame upon even the most conscientious of celebrities and their devoted fans, 'Stan' is at once a powerful tragedy steeped in pessimism about the human race and a beautiful, almost inviting lull into the private life of a developing sociopath. The escalating terror of the lyrics, which are punctuated by instances of black humor ("Dear Slim, yiou still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have the chance. I ain't mad, I just think it's fucked up you don't answer your fans") build to a horrific act of cruel violence that is rendered punishingly intimate by both the lyrics and the crisp, remarkable production, which details the absurd yet mundane minutiae of Stan's pathetic odyssey to the abyss with a delicate force. One of Eminem's most despairing tracks (and his music tends to be rather nihilistic to begin with), 'Stan' is an ode to the negative side of humanity, providing small consolation to the listener and instead elevating to the level of great fiction.

2. Radiohead - 'Jigsaw Falling Into Place'

- A mysterious, sexy dive into the often scary arena of courtship (wrapped in a menacingly oblique world of oppressive gloom and jagged, descending melody), Radiohead's 'Jigsaw Falling Into Place' is less an attempt to expand Radiohead's critical stature as innovators and more of a genuine song, a welcome deviation from the forced (yet not altogether unsuccessful) experimentation of "Kid A". The relentless momentum of the song never flags, and the bizarrely threatening lyrics squealed by Thom Yorke at fever pitch ("The walls abandon shape; you've got a cheshire cat gurn. All blurrring into one; this place is on a mission") catapult the song into an ethereal realm, divorced of the limitations of reality, fully embracing the surreal nightmare of human sexuality. This is easily Radiohead's best work of recent, dating back to their remarkable 'Paranoid Android', and one of their finest tracks in general.

1. System Of A Down - 'Holy Mountains'

The ultimate track of the new millennium, System of a Down's brutal, uncompromising look at one of the previous century's greatest horrors is a startling testament to the depths of human cruelty and brutality, a grim and ugly look at genocide and the undercurrents of resentment and paranoia that its victims must accept as daily reality. Beginning with a slithering, serpentine guitar hook, the song starts off with a chant mimicking the guitar lead before quickly elevating to a full-on explosion of lamentation and tortured agony. The opening verse lays bare the eerie, haunting absence of the deceased ("Can.. you.. feel their... haunting presence?") before unexpectedly darting to accusation ("LIAR. KILLER. DEMON. Back to the River Aras!") and then culminating in a swirling crescendo that unfolds with the precision of a tide approaching shore. The song's lyrics, spare as they are, create a desolately unsettling sense of random terror, seismic blasts of horror and degradation. In the song's final outpour of persecuted agony, the band hits their stride with full, unmitigated force, tearing the listener down to the role of victim and mercilessly smashing the dying light of hope into the ground, leaving only the murdered, defiled corpse in its wake, to reprimand us for our ignorance of history and also to remind us of it's inescapable existence. A track of transcendent force and genuine wrath, System Of A Down's peak as a band is also one of the mightiest political statements ever made on record.


~Peace
**Phil(ius)

Saturday, October 10, 2009

My 20 Favorite Rap Records (w/links)

Yes, it's list time. Just to warn those who dislike rap; you will hate this note. Also, if you dislike Flavor Flav, Lil Wayne, or Snoop Dogg, you will also want to leave. My #1 pick may anger you - but I'll be damned if it isn't the best choice there is, a decision I'm sticking with.


(Note-note: This was randomly tagged, for the most part. If you don't want to be included, then you may opt out of your tag.)


The First Ten:



The Top Ten:

10. Company Flow 'Funcrusher Plus' - Crazy, crazy shit. It's hard to express just how different and amazing this album is without mentioning just what it accomplished. It MADE underground rap back in 1995, and lyrically, the texture is so deep you could swim in it. Absolute classic. And yes, that is one spot above Public Enemy's most overrated (but still excellent) record.

9. Run-DMC 'Raising Hell' - A very obvious choice, but that's only because it's brilliant on each level, from the lyrics to the melodies to Rick Rubin's sterling production. It's hard to find fault with a record this amazing and fresh, and I won't even try. A genuine hip hop classic.

8. DMX '...And Then There Was X' - I expect a lashing for putting DMX so high, but it is the skeptics who deserve the throttling. Even with filler aside, give me a handful of albums with more 'Uuuumph!' and cojones than this classic, and I'll call you the better man. The hardcore crown was handed from on high to X after this record, and it's not difficult to see what all the hubbub and chart success was about.

7. Eminem 'The Marshall Mather LP' - A masterpiece front-to-back, Eminem's 'Marshall Mathers LP' does what many great hip hop records do; it takes a quality debut and improves upon it in every way, taking the brilliant rawness of the original and replacing it with finesse, better songcraft, and even darker subject matter. If 'Kim' doesn't keep you up nights, you need a head check.

6. Eric B. and Rakhim 'Paid In Full' - A classic, and maybe a stereotypical choice for a top ten, but that's only testament to how accomplished this record is and how justified the hype was. It's difficult to imagine a smoother mic-artist than Rakhim, and the production is both lush and as real and immediate as a punch to the gut.

5. The Wu-Tang Clan 'Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)' - Maybe the best debut in all of rap, Wu-Tang's first - and undeniably best - record is a masterpiece that brings disparate styles and samples together and blends them on 'puree'; the effect is truly mind-blowing. It is hard to dismiss tracks like 'C.R.E.AM.' or 'Shame On A Ni**a' for sheer visceral impact, and the album never skips a beat.

4. Public Enemy 'Fear Of A Black Planet' - The finest record the boys ever put together, without question, and a call to arms for hip hop that has never been equaled in it's direct cerebral blast - the album provides food for thought and great production suites to go along with the expected rigtheous anger and aggression. It is capped with the group's best track, 'Fight The Power', which brings their finest moment to a rightfully momentous end.

3. A Tribe Called Quest 'The Low End Theory' - Probably the smoothest record ever made, Tribe's 1991 opus is one of the best rap records ever released, no question. It is also one of the finest albums of the 90's. The deft blend of beats, jagged but inspired bass lines, and effortless MC flow (especially from Q-Tip) is a difficult combo to beat - one which the group, despite being a class act for their entire existence, never approached again.

2. Dr. Octagon 'Dr. Octagonecologyst' - The BIZARRE record to top them all, and the number one Sci-fi rap record ever made with nary a doubt, Kool Keith's alter-ego Dr. Octagon made a legitimate name for rap in the rock underground with this release. Other than Public Enemy's releases, no hip hop album had really pleased the rock critics so fully, and their instincts were not in error. This is great music, no matter what side of the wax-tracks you live on.

1. The Beastie Boys 'Paul's Boutique' - Attack me, acid-wash my glasses, stomp on my liver if you need to, but the group who decided to plunge rap into parody in 86' came back in 89' with a record twice as fast, miles deeper, and with a production crew (the justly famous Dust Brothers) that, no offense to Mr. Rubin, gelled with the Boys like no other. This is the funniest, most complex, eclectic and endearing record the genre has ever produced, and repeat listens only deepen the impact of the already-excellent material. This album is, quite literally, perfect. If you doubt me, pick it out of your collection (or snatch it from the local store) and test it out. You won't be disappointed.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Why I Love The 90's (Part 2)





Note In A Note (Oh NOOOO-te): Part Dos Covers The Music Of The 1990's. For anyone who likes bad music, you may ignore this note - you will find nothing of interest here. For anyone who actually knows who made the theme to the show 'House' - well, you've found the right note. Here are five of the major hot spots of music in the 90's.


1. Grunge
The first and arguably most prominent sub-genre of the music to be explored today is the grunge genre, which included Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Alice In Chains, Soundgarden, The Smashing Pumpkins, and alt-rock pioneers such as Stone Temple Pilots and Seven Mary Three. Just kidding. The movement reached it's peak in the years 1991 through roughly 1994.


What was notable:
Grunge was harder than hair-metal, and also much less sentimental. Ballads were not the norm, although introspective songs about failed love and depression were relatively popular. The basic lack of focus on aesthetic was notable in that folks like Kurt Cobain and Layne Staley, NOT photo-genic men, were able to be roch stars while looking like your average CVS-worker. The quality of the music was generally VERY high, especially in the first three years, as Pearl Jam and Nirvana were duking it out for album sales (which Pearl Jam won, later losing the all-time popularity war to Nirvana when Kurt Cobain kicked the bucket). Some amazing songs, such as '1979', 'Down In A Hole', 'Come As You Are, and my favorite all-time track, 'Black', were recorded during this era, and the era has had a very heavy influence on mainstream rock now (Seether only has a career BECAUSE of grunge). The movement died when Kurt died, and if you agree with certain people, so did the last great wave of rock'n'roll.


2. Trip Hop
The next sub-genre to be mentioned is the irresistible Trip Hop. For an example of Trip Hop, please find someone who proclaims to have good musical taste and ask to skim their iPod. If this person is telling the truth, you will see artists such as Massive Attack, Tricky, Kid Loco, Portishead, and maybe even Bjork. These are some prominent members of the Trip Hop movement. Even close relatives, such as the Cocteau Twins (whose vocalist, Elizabeth Frazer, did some work with Massive Attack), Air, and Fila Brazilia made a marked impact in the 90's with some pretty funk-y music.


Why it mattered:
Trip hop was a trail-blazing, markedly unique style that blended electronica with more introspective elements and twisted the definitions of the genre. It is a much more moody, bass-driven sound that seeks to inspire menace with it's beats instead of satisfying the need to dance or get funky (although it wasn't above trying both at the same time!).


Notable band: Green Day
Sure, their influence has been roughly negligible, but there's no denying their achievement with the 94' album 'Dookie', which is as good a modern punk record as any, flooding radio with singles left and right while maintaining the best aspects of their influences. They would actually grow relevant in a more respectable way in the 00's, but there are some people in some corners who would say that they reached their peak when they eschewed politics in favor of songs about sexual frustration and laziness. Along with No Doubt and STP, they were also one of the 90's more memorable singles outfits. Don't forget to check out 'Kerplunk', which is vastly underrated, and one of their earlier songs, 'One For The Razorbacks', which is a shredding delight.


3. Alternative Rock
Alternative/indie rock hit a popular peak in the 90's, with bands like My Bloody Valentine reaching their peak (the unendingly brilliant 'Loveless') and new acts like Pavement (the ultimate AND penultimate indie rock band) and Uncle Tupelo knocking on the doors of music history. Beck, Radiohead, and Weezer all began breathing in the 90's, and have since withstood the test of time as career acts. Depeche Mode, a seminal 80's band, hit their stride on 1990's 'Violator', universally acknowledged as the group's masterpiece, and U2 even made an album which fit into this genre, 1991's 'Achtung Baby' (which is probably their best album all around). Mostly, 80's alt. bands like Sonic Youth, Dinosaur Jr., The Pixies, and even The Replacements (for one amazing album) made records in the 90's of generally lesser substance than their 80's work, but nevertheless numerous members of each band kept things interesting (Kim Deal's Breeders, especially). Overall, Alt. rock gasped it's last genuine breath of relevance in the 90's, bolstered by grunge acts like The Smashing Pumpkins who also fit into the scene incredibly well. In an ironic twist, R.E.M. made their best song ('Losing My Religion') and best album ('Automatic For The People') in the 90's, otherwise negating a decade's worth of meandering material.


Why it mattered:
Because alternative rock is the best genre, ever. What, fuck you, I don't have to be objective. This is my note. Just agree.


4. Rap/Hip Hop - While the late 80's have been called by some the golden age of rap, the early and mid 90's proved to be as productive for the genre before it collapsed (at least in terms of mainstream quality) in the late 90's and continued limping on into the bleak 2000's. Some of the best artists of the 80's, like Public Enemy and EPMD, produced substantial work in the 90's, while new rappers, ranging from underground sensations like Dr. Octagon and Company Flow to more commercial artists like The Wu-Tang Clan, Tupac, Nas, and possibly the quintessential 90's rapper, The Notorious B.I.G., created work of extremely high quality that have influenced thousands of artists. The 90's will likely be known most for the emergence of gangster rap, but the best music of this movement was few and far between - although Dr. Dre's 'The Chronic' is one of the best of all hip hop records, and Snooop Dogg's debut, 'Doggystyle', was nearly as good - and possibly led to a descent in overall quality that could be considered acceptable for a rap artist. The ideal rapper image shifted from more cerebral rhyme-spitters like Rakhim to something resembling a prototypical 50 Cent.


Why it mattered: Because rap will always matter, on one level or the other, even if, like modern rock, it has become a negative part of the mainstream music scene. Usually, the quotient of quality for popular artists in the genre is quite low; back in the 90's, this was a much more even (if decidedly flawed - Vanilla Ice, anyone?) playing field, gangster posturing aside.


Notable artist: No Doubt
Genre-bereft in the early and mid-90's, No Doubt crafted some charmingly memorable tunes at their peak, including the amazing 'Don't Speak' and the over-played-but-still-worthwhile 'I'm Just A Girl', amassing a large fan base in the mid-90's. They adopted the better elements of New Wave while adding a more contemporary mood of alienation to their work. By the tail end of the 90's, however, they fell into a slump commercially, but, unlike alot of bands from the 90's, No Doubt's clout actually improved with the passing of the decade, the group reaching their peak with 2001's 'Rock Steady', and Gwen Stefani has long since become a solo superstar, dwarfing the group.


5. Punk: Punk reached it's popular peak thanks to Green Day in 1994, but while things seemed bright for the genre in light of the success of numerous bands, including the Offspring's phenomenally successful album, 'Smash', the genre was slowly dying, becoming more selective and even laid-back, while 80's bands likes Bad Religion (who perhaps peaked with 1990's 'Against The Grain') began to patter out and create more pedestrian works. The genre was strengthened by the arrival of 'riot grrl' groups like Bikini Kill and Sleater Kinney, and there were a few contained moments of brilliance for the genre (I personally think Pennywise's chunk of music from 1991 to 1997 is particularly impressive), but overall, the arrival of pop punk bands like Blink 82 perhaps de-fanged the art form irreparably.

Why it mattered: The last true gasp of punk, the 90's saw the genre grow weaker yet contained the last few consistent nuggets of greatness the genre had to offer. There are still quality bands who play punk, but the movement as is has been left for dead.

Why I Love The 90's (Part 1)





Now, all of you youngsters who were born in the early 90's may not understand where I'm coming from with this new note, what with your '80's Rule!' t-shirts and all. Let me inform you on how silly and crappy this decade is compared to the last one, and why the 80's dying were the best thing to ever happen. Ever. My childhood is better than yours.


I was born on January 9th, 1987. I spent the majority of my formative years in the 90's. I idolized 'Jurassic Park' at the beginning of it's theatrical release. I had the first velociraptor of everyone in Yantacaw (even if it was orange..?). In fact, I owned all of the JP toys. Even when they didn't make sense (why is the Dennis Nedry figure skinny?). Because it was the craze. And it was a good craze, too. What is cooler than killing fake people with way cooler fake dinosaurs? When I got my lower lip split open with a hockey stick in 97', my reward was a female T-Rex (but that was the best figure) from 'The Lost World'. You know, the one that ripped Eddie Carr in half like a twizzler? Anyways. What do you have now? Pixar toys? Lame. What are you going to do with those, share poignant life lessons? 'Remember not to be overprotective of your son, Marlin'. Fun for all ages of retard. I'd say I was digressing here, but you ain't seen nothing yet.


TV Shows Then And Now:

No comparison. Fuck 'Malcolm In The Middle'. We had 'Pete and Pete'. Is there even a parallel today that can stand up to 'Kablam!', 'Are You Afraid Of The Dark?' ? The best kid's shows, hands down, were in the 90's. Now everything has to be 'cool' in the most boring, conventional sense - whereas 'Ren & Stimpy' were only conventional if you were Jeffrey Dahmer taking a brief reprieve from eating gay black and asian guys. 'Rocko's Modern Life', 'Doug' (which daringly features races that don't even exist yet), and the ultimate Nicktoon, 'Rugrats', make childrens shows today look moronic. You younger kids don't understand the hilarity of Tommy's Dad stalking him like a drugged out zombie late at night to the tune of a 50's sci-fi flick - and that is your loss. I'd say get it on DVD, but most of those shows are too awesome to put on DVDs without literally blowing Blockbuster up with awesome fireworks.

On the 'mature' end of the spectrum, the 90's had the bulk of the best episodes of 'Seinfeld', the Simpsons, the beginning season of 'Family Guy', and the original run and humongous popularity of the still amazing 'South Park', which featured not only George Clooney acting as a gay dog, but playing himself via ER surgeon in an epic movie adaptation (still the best of it's ilk). 'Everybody Loves Raymond' got it's initial run in the 90's, while 80's-originating series like 'Frasier' and 'Married... With Children' were still chucking out episodes. HBO also got it's start, with awesome shows like 'Sex And The City, 'Oz', and the most popular drama series up until 2006, 'The Sopranos'.

Amazing things on TV your childhood wish it had:

Power Rangers: No, not that new badly acted garbage. The old badly acted garbage, which charmed with it's silly outrageousness and complete sexism, racism, and homo-erotic undertones. Seriously, who can doubt that Jason and Tommy were destined to fall in love - together they make Christmas colors. Aww.
Rocko's Modern Life: You have to love a kid's show that has the cojones to feature not only naked, talking cows, digestive vacuums, and 'Shining' references, but Australian people. The fortune cookie episode is a classic of the medium. Seriously, who doesn't remember that?
The WB!: Hell yes, I would be kicking my own ass for not mentioning this. 'Freakazoid', 'Pinky And The Brain', 'Animaniacs', hell, even 'Tiny Toons'. I haven't seen any of it for at least a decade, but I would easily watch that stuff for hours back when I was a kid. There was something special there - a unified artistic vision.. oh, who am I kidding, it was mindless fun. But it was FUN. Something cable TV has no need for anymore, as evidenced by the WB's swift death this decade.
My So-Called Life: Is there a demographic this couldn't please? It appeals to anyone who's ever been to High School, any guy who's ever seen the episode where Claire Danes hides in her own shirt (oh yes...), and even parents, since the writing in the show actually allows for the parents to be real, sympathetic characters. You know, people. Sure, it's aged about as well as those D.A.R.E. commercials, but whatever. A coming of age dramedy of such substance hasn't been made since...
Freaks And Geeks: The signaling of Judd Apatow's rise to comic grace, the beginning of Seth Rogen and James Franco's careers, a really great series that holds up even better than it's quality (and equally ignored) follow-up, Un-Declared. The sad fact is that if this seemed miles ahead of it's time for 1999, it's still a longshot success even now. Sigh.


'Wait a minute, Phil, what if I didn't watch television in the 90's?'


Hmmm... how about some music?



(To Be Continued)



Until we meet again...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwlMHJE82Mk

Believe me, you know what it is. And it is amazing.

Monday, August 31, 2009

The Vexer Dilemma

Near-screenplay based on Vexer's hatred of the 'Lord Of The Rings' trilogy when he made this his EVERY SINGLE POST. It was deleted because it was mean-spirited but retained because the person who deleted it (ok, Patrick) thought it was funny. It features Majoraphasia, Patrick, myself, James, Sheryl, and a guest appearance by a famed female celebrity (kind of)!




'The Vexer Dilemma'


The clock on the kitchen stove says 8:00 A.M. A man is reading his newspaper. There is an entire meal in front of him; it is still visibly hot, freshly cooked, the chicken still basting in it's marinade. The corn buzzes radiant yellow while the man gently turns each page, chuckling to himself and grimacing in equal measure, veering from Michael Jackson's latest burial plans and the exact number of people it takes to run Google at 4 A.M.. Suddenly, he gets to the ads section, which he peruses, looking for job opportunities. After making numerous grunts and sighs, he finds something which momentarily gives him pause. He gets up, excusing himself, and grabs the phone.


*Ring*


A man wakes up. He is groggy, and takes a slight moment to clear his throat before he picks up the phone


Man:
Hello?

Phil:
Hey, Mark, it's Phil. Hope it's a good time.

Mark:
Well, it's as good a time as it was last time you called. And the one before that. But other than living my life, what can I help you with, Phil?

Phil:
Well, okay, I know this seems sudden, but -


The camera watches Mark's face, Phil's word unheard. Slowly, Mark's expression of detachment turn to a look of absolute horror.


Phil:
... and what's with his user name? It sounds like a bad Sega Genesis ga-


Mark hangs up, quickly dialing a number. He breathlessly awaits a response on the other line.


*Ring, ring*


Next scene: A man is lively awake. He has been playing with two Han Solo action figures. He is currently throwing them at a nearby wall to see which one of them has more durability (I hope). Suddenly, his phone begins to ring. The man walks up to the phone, and checks the number. Relieved, he picks up the phone.


Patrick:
Mark, buddy. What's up? Sorry for the wait. I thought it was..
*in whisper voice*
that other guy who calls me from the forums...

Mark:
Hi Patrick.

Patrick:
*still whispering*
I can tell you what his name starts with...

Mark:
Pat, I'm sorry to be curt, but I have some rather awful news. Apparently, a member from the forum, Vexer, dislikes the Lord Of The Rings trilogy.


Patrick is visibly stressed. He begins to rub his temples as he responds.


Patrick:
.. what would convince him to say that? Those films are modern masterpieces!

Mark: I know, I -

Patrick:
They made Liv Tyler look like a real actress! Name me a Matrix movie that does that!

Mark:
Patrick... I think we need to call the big guy.

Patrick:
*Giggling*
How about a three way?


Mark hangs up. He takes a piece of paper out of his wallet. It is folded up, with the words 'Emergency ONLY - I mean it, Phil. No, really, Mark, tell Phil about that. This is ridiculous'. He opens up the paper; there is a phone number inside. Under the number is the name 'Boss Nelli'. After taking a deep breath, Mark dials the number.


*Ring, ring*


There is a phone in the middle of a dining room. It is a classy, expensive phone. It begins to ring. We hear noise emanating from a nearby closet. The door opens, an aloof man comes out, buttoning his shirt, cursing under his breath. He is wearing a tuxedo, sans jacket, which is hung up on the closet hook. He looks back into the closet.


Man:
I'll be right back, babe.


The man answers the phone, slamming his left palm on the counter for support. He eyes the caller ID, which flashed in bright neon colors below the receiver. He is visibly tired, and agitated.


Man:
Yes, Mark? I'm a little... busy

Mark:
I'm sorry James, but it's an emergency. I think you need to check your local paper.


*Over Mark's phone we hear James rummaging through the latest paper*


James:
Ok, what am I looking for?


While James and Mark are talking, Sheryl descends the staircase. Seeing James is busy, she grabs a tangerine from the middle of the dining room table and leaves the room. As she begins to ascend the staircase, however, she notices the closet door is ajar.


Mark:
Check the ads section. You'll see it there.


James:
What is the article of concern?


Sheryl looks inside the the closet. She giggles a little bit, then closes the door over.


Mark:
Vexer... he hates Lord Of The Rings. I think he wants us all to be aware of it. Like, he's obnoxiously venting any way he can about it. He seems... obsessed.


James throws the paper onto the table.


James:
Why do I
give you guys my number, anways?


We hear the click on Mark's end of the phone. Mark puts the phone down.


Mark:
Fucking Phil!


Sheryl is walking up the stairs. James hears her footsteps, and sees the closet door still open, displaying a look of weariness. Sheryl smiles.


Sheryl:
Good night, James. You and air-Zooey have fun, ok?


Sheryl walks upstairs, leaving James standing alone in the middle of the room adjacent the kitchen. James lets off a sigh, and then looks down. His fancy dress shoes are setting upon a half-eaten tangerine.


James:
...Ah, fuck.




Moral Of The Story:

Everything is Vexer's fault.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Rex Reed: A Funny Person

Upon visiting Rotten Tomatoes the other day for advance word on the new Judd Apatow-directed film 'Funny People', I came across a particularly vile, even forcefully hateful review of the film by New York Observer senior critic Rex Reed.

Now, I have not seen 'Funny People' yet. I cannot form the pretense of an opinion over the film yet. But I submit, this is not a review. This is a hateful, repellent, and poorly written assault, both personal and professional, of the entire cast of the film (the remarks about Adam Sandler in a swimsuit is particularly alarming in it's random terror). I ask the New York Observer to defer payment to Rex Reed for his 'work'; he does not deserve a paycheck for bile, nonetheless under-written and tangential bile, under the guise of a film review.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Age-Old Feuds

Welcome, Blog Spot faithful. This is my first exclusive Blog Spot post (I think), and I want to start my time off here with a blast, with something everybody can appreciate - feuds! And I don't just mean any old feud. I mean the epic, decade-spanning, and life-defining feuds of human history. Are you ready for some death?



Nirvana Vs. Pearl Jam

Eddie Vedder and Kurt Cobain are kind of like the Batman and The Joker, if, of course, you're willing to suspend enough belief to imagine Kurt Cobain killing people and Eddie Vedder doing the Batman voice (I fucking dare you not to laugh at that). One is the embattled good guy, trying to do his best in a crooked world which makes him cry silently at night while reads old National Geographic issues, while the other is a nihilistic loner who views life from a pessimistic, detached point of view (I'd say he also follows nobody else's rules, but he WAS married - major ego blow). This is kind of like MJ vs. Prince where the lucky bastard who dies first gets the gold and the other guy shows up on Rolling Stone (or Spin - !!!!) talking about their new album and old tales about running around nude in foreign countries.


Result:
Of course, Kurt ends up winning (and consequently, Nirvana), while Eddie Vedder gets to stick around doing amazing live shows and making film soundtracks that tempt murder.


Germany Vs. France

Any history buffs in here (ok, Jon) will love this rivalry, which might not be as well known as England and France, but it is far more petty and hilarious. Germany formed in 1871 by beating France in the Franco-Prussian War, who were so embittered by their defeat that they decided to respond by repeatedly burning down German villages on the borderline of both countries (in fact, my last name, Spires, derives from the Geramn town Spyre, which the French lovingly burned down a grand total of five times. FIVE times) and complaining to England, who, predictably, sided withFrance, their greatest allies (!), and eventually started WW1, where France and England ruined the world by pushing the Treay Of Versailles down everybody's throats and ignoring US diplomacy to stick it to the Germans. Germany promptly responded by defeating France, splitting them into two halves of the same country, and killing every man, woman, and child of French descent all over the world. Oh, sorry, that was just a dream I had.

Result:
Fuck France.


Nice Guys Vs. Douchebags

You know the guys I mean. The sweet guy tries to make everyone happy and thinks the best way into a girl's heart is helping her with homework during re-runs of 'Friends' who spends his free time developing his mind through academic and artstic pursuits. Then there's the guy who spends all his free time working out and thinking about what his best sex pose is while he tapes videos of himself masturbating for dating websites. Yikes. Of course, this type of man is much more popular with the more attractive women who usually they end ruining life by having sharung her opinions about anything with him, while the sweet guy will inevitably find an emotionally fulfilling relationship with a partner who makes the concept of religious abstinence an attractive option.

The result: I really hate being a guy.


Dogs Vs. Cats

Ok, not a human feud, but still acceptable, being dogs and cats are perfect enemies; in fact, there may be no group or species capable of creating such a disparate amount of results (excepting, perhaps, people vs. traffic). Dogs are by turns innocent, clingy, and plain stupid, while cats are like noir villians, constantly pessimistic and threateningly nonchalant. One has the charm of being lovable and loyal, while the other tempts you towards the dark side and holds you in thrall until you skate the very recesses of the abyss. Damn!


Result:
I'm buying a cat right now.


George W. Bush Vs. Literacy, The Economy, and History Books

I'm just kidding, guys. Not a real feud. It's kind of like 'Obama Vs. The Inevitable Popularity Dive', except that it doesn't make me want to kill myslef every time I read it.


This Vs. That

Who?


Result:
Dead brain cells.




I would go on, but frankly, if you've made it this far, you have issues. Go read a good book and stop reading my wretched blogs (until the next one!).

Saturday, July 25, 2009

A Good Old Thumb's Down To Life

This is a comic rant, but a rant nonetheless. If like your laughter with a little pain, you've come to the right place. If you like to read a blog that's safe for the entire family to huddle around the old laptop (traditional as this may be), then you've just fucked up.


People are totally, irredeemably stupid. I would explain this, but humanity has done little to deserve such dignity. Instead, I am going to list things that people (maybe even you) do that infuriate the living shit out of me:

  • (OOOh, bullets) To all of the cynical loners; blow me. Life handed you the short stick, I kept telling you not to put your faith in people, don't be naive, etc. But do you listen? Nah, you went out with what's-their-name and made them your God and they ripped your heart out. This is not actually devoted to one person (which I suspect at LEAST a dozen of you are thinking right now); I know tons of people who have done this. You have to rely on how reliant upon yourself that you are able to be, not on how valuable another person makes you feel. Everyone wants to be loved; the truth is, though, nobody needs it. You'll get over it, and maybe next time you won't leave the door so wide open.

  • Hello Mr. and Mrs. dysfunctional relationship. Don't call me. You never listen to what I have to say to you about anything, you just do the exact same things you were going to do regardless, so why are you asking? Why are you wasting my time? Get married and end the charade; if you were going to leave, with no due repsect whatsoever, you would have done it. You would have had the balls to do it if you had any kind of self esteen - but instead you let it rot like garbage in the sun.

  • Don't tell me you're 'busy' when you're talking to three or four other people. What am I going to do, murder you for talking to other people? If you need to lie in order to feel the justification to do something, you've taken a wrong turn somewhere.

  • Are you pissed at me? Get over it, you little girl. Do you know how much shit I have to be angry at you about and I let slide? You're not the first person to feel pain or be inconvenienced. While you're holding out with your little grudge, I'll be paying attention to someone else. Act right or don't bother.

  • Don't bother saying things about me if you're not going to say them, to me, face to face. Period. Just because I'm in anoahter state doesn't mean I don't exist; you're just deluding yourselves.


Wow, this isn't funny, is it? Ooops. I guess I just got high on the truth. It's a seductive drug. It's highly likely my note covers at least 1/4 of the people I know; unfortunately, it's a close fourth, people who I have spent many hours with before, told so much to, and been a good friend to in the past, where I would show genuine care and interest in them and their lives, no matter what they did or where they lived. It seems, when I need emotional support, some of you don't want to come along for the ride, you feel burdened, or you even loook down on me for sharing my feelings with you. So, sadly, I will have to either close a few chapters or you will need to show the will to improve the situation instead of bottling everything up inside, makig snide comments about me in public (yes you, thanks Mr. Dependable) or plotting amongst yourselves and keeping me out of the loop. I've seen people do that to the people I love, and I will not tolerate it. If I think you're doing this, fuck you, your leash is short and I have no interest in being associated with you.


~Fin

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

He, She - Is There Any Hope For A Difference?

(Note in a note: For more information on what I'm ranting about, visit this link. ~http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090722/ap_on_bi_ge/us_obit_taco_bell_dog)







Today, on an otherwise typical Wednesday afternoon, all seemed well. The sun was still shining. The trees swayed forth innocently, lilting in the breeze. In one fateful moment, however, the life of one of the 90's most treasured icons - Gidget, the Taco Bell chihuahua - was cut short. Gidget had died after recently suffering a stroke on Tueday, and was euthanized earlier today. She was 15 years old - wait, what did I just read...



What did I just READ?




SHE?!



The star of the Taco Bell commercials, with a manlier Mexican accent than you nor I have, was a, a... bitch*? Apparently, every occasion Gigdet, the whore, appeared on camera next to a pair of fuzzy dice, there was false advertisement going on. There was no fuzzy dice. I'm so disgusted right now I feel like eating eight tacos, crying hysterically about it for three hours, and gaining one pound the next day. Man's best friend, my ass.






* - Hey, that's politically correct!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Why We Really Miss Michael Jackson (Archived Blog - 1 Month Old)

Over the last week, there has been a gentle riff that the general public has been playing that strikes me as odd; Michael Jackson, the ultra-talented, deformed multi-millionaire who literally built an amusement park for himself, has gone from media leper to golden icon. The man who was once a condemned pervert and accused burn-out is now considered a golden memory, a legend born of time and tears. Even the moniker that everyone adopted after his death, 'Prince won', seems inaccurate: Prince LOST, as Michael is now more famous than ever and Prince has no chance of lighting up headlines this boldly with anything he is going to do, dying included. The reason for this is simple; people love dead people.


Let's do some grim reaper math here:

JFK + Bay of pigs = humiliation

JFK + Getting his head shot off of his shoulders = instant hero status


Now, I know I'm not the first person to point this out, I'm aware that everybody has an erection for the dead. It's just human nature. We regret, we feel pain for not having valued life the way we feel we should or should have, and eventually these feelings bleed (or maybe mutate) into projected feelings of warmth and appraisal for the deceased. Michael Jackson is simply the latest, albeit one of the biggest, that has rolled down the pike.


I think Michael Jackson did great things with his career, especially considering his childhood. It's a wonder he didn't become a drug addict or a paralyzed invalid at 26 (which is actually two years AFTER he released 'Thriller'), and in fact, looking back on everything that happened to him, he managed his pressures very well. Nobody could make a similar claim to having been the icon Michael undoubtedly was; Prince was amazingly popular, but never transcendently so, and during the early 90's, he began to lose his appeal and his edge and was subsequently ignored; Michael was in the news, no matter what, and whether it was celebrating Free Willy's escape in 93' or undergoing numerous (perhaps false) child abuse charges in on-and-off court battles.


MJ was a consistent presence in the 00's, long after the world had come to see him as a potential chart-topper, and LONG after he could make the kind of money from a record that would fund his ridiculously expensive personal life (and record-setting music videos). Everybody still knew him, although the nicknames given to him had changed to things that were considerably more insulting than, like 'Jack-o', or, my old stand-by, 'Skeletor'. His single 'You Rocked My World' sunk without a trace and initiated a creative undertow which sapped Michael of his resources (both monetary and health-wise) as he began re-grouping for a comeback that would never happen. Finally, on June 25th, Michael Jackson went into cardiac arrest, and died, at the age of 50. The very minute TMZ made reports that Michael was indeed dead (CNN, among others, were still hesitant), Facebook was flooded with Newsfeed updates such as 'R.I.P. MIchael' or, flatly, 'Michael's Dead'. The first time I saw these, I was admittedly in disbelief. Only recently have I realized the kernel of that reaction; I had, as the rest of the world had, as endless people had, as people no longer seem able to - thought of Michael Jackson as a given, a media fixture who would signal the passing decades of my life. The more he changed, the lower he sank, the greater Michael from the 80's became, the more perfect and surreal he was, the more timeless and wholesome. In a way, his great early success is his 'Rosebud' - a time of great joy that was quickly buried by disappointment, and in terms of his disfigurement, undiluted horror.


I originally wrote this note, yesterday, to ask people why they missed a man they had never met, or why they decided to jump on Michael's bandwagon literally hours after he could no longer thank them for it. I'm no closer to an answer than anyone could reasonably be, but I understand to some degree. I think it's shameful, weak, and opportunistic - more often than not - but it is the fate that all of us accepted early on in our lives when we heard his music as children and burned his image into our minds. It is the fate that he ultimately was destined for, a fate that, one way or the other, is the dream of all people; to be loved, unconditionally, for whatever length of time, by everyone. And if it took him 26 years of hell to achieve this, then what is our excuse to miss work, to sleep in, to moan about our daily hardships? My answer is a definite "I don't know".


What I do know:


I refuse to martyr him.
I will not be able to forget him.
We will hold his memory as a public into our dying days, and when prompted, we will have known where we were when we got the news. We were the spectators, and he was the sun, effortlessly compelling our interest, until we lost sight of our dreams and became a part of his.





Michael won.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Random Question Mis-Fire

Based on an actual question that Blogspot asked m. In fact, this is that question, word for word. I just wanted to be a pretentious jack-ass and say 'based on...' in a sentence. I loved it.


Question - For your birthday, your aunt gave you a maple syrup dispenser shaped like a rooster. Please write her a thank-you note: Aunt, the present you most recently gave me for my Birthday was unconventional, to say the least, and in some ways, useless, because I don't eat pancakes or waffles. However, I enjoy the thought that was so evidently put into the present; actually, the mere fact that you thought about buying me this present at all is, well, slightly disturbing. There's no point to it. No meaning, purpose whatsoever. It's totally useless... Pointless. Why would you... get me something useless and pointless on my Birthday, the day I was born? *In exclamation* The day I was born! Of course! It all makes sense now. Life is meaningless, birthdays don't exist because dates and time are inventions of the human mind, and roosters have no name because we have no objective authority to name them! Of course. You gave me nihilism for my birthday present. Well, aunt, this sure beats my Christmas present - and this time I don't have to use a safety word!

New To Town

Now, I've said on occasion that I love to write. No lie, I can't stop it. It's like a really cool cancer where you get to post stuff and people can read it and go 'You've got cancer!', and I'm all 'Thanks, this one's for you! Cancer for everybody!'.


So believe me when I say I'm enjoying this new site. It feels fresh, it allows a TON of room to unspool and unwind, and hopefully I can start building towards my 'OTHER' dream of being a writer by working on the quality of my writing and my ability to make compelling work for others to read.


But whatever.


For today, I'll post a short little post, a little something something that's on my mind, for you viewing pleasure and interest.



Work =/= Self Worth: In the last week, I've filled out over 30 applications to different places. I have my former employment info taped to my wallet so I don't forget important details. I even applied at a few places undeserving of mention (but better than Shop Rite), all to help fund my Fall Semester of college at OU, for a degree which may or may not ensure my economic stability. However, one thing still has not changed for me; getting a job does nothing for my self-esteem. It does things for my wallet, which is great, but it's all illusory. It's just a societal stop-gap designed to support capitalist swine who want their products shipped more efficiently (and maybe with a smile or two). If you attach your sense of worth with a job, you have just forfeited your own dignity for a title which wasn't even created with you in mind; theoretically, anybody could have your job if they wanted it badly enough and had the right opportunities/corporate friends. There is nothing unique or empowering about being employed. There are benefits, some personal (such as making friends/acquaintances at work), but rarely do you leave with something that tangibly makes you a better person. A firefighter may have a justified sense of nobility after performing their work at an optimal level; a cashier does not. It's all work that you wouldn't do anyways had it not come with a price tag. So why have a sense of pride over it? It doesn't make you more active, alert, or astute; if you want proof, check out the local grocery store and survey the day and night crews - most are old, out of shape, and quite possibly insane. They are not the lifelong destinations of the cream of America; they are the visible wastebasket of our society. Those who are homeless simply suffer a slightly descended level of humiliation. I don't judge people by the amount of jobs they have had, how long they have had them, or where they have worked. I don't judge people by material success, either, but that's for another note at another time... like now. All of the checkpoints which society sets up to measure success are both limiting and extremely shallow and depressing. Regardless of your viewpoint, they are illusory; the only people who seem to submit to the idea that success in the material sense is in any way related to the actual quality of a person's attitude about life or their virtues are deluded sadsacks who likely have considered mutilating their own genitalia as a way of relieving boredom. If you want to see a great film about the sad chocie of valuing work as a way of measuring your self-worth and place in society, see the (morbidly depressing) 2001 French feature, 'Time Out'. This film has all the insight you'll need to make a much better decision regarding your life and re-evaluating what you should and should not value so highly in your life, before it's much too late.

But whatever, I'm off to apply to some more places so I can be a cool, hard-working, relatable member of society. Peace.

My Personal Top 100 Films List

Note: This Top 100, created in it's original form in 2007, had undergone quite a few changes from then until recently (say, a few mnths ago). One of the addotions I have been trying to implement is a full description of the films on the list, containing the reasons they are on my list, and why they are where they are ranking-wise. Obviously, for a Top 100 list this is a very big undertaking, and not all of the films present have these explanations. I plan on filling this out more in the upcoming months for as much as school and work will allow. For now, this is the current product. Enjoy.



My Top 100 Films

Introduction:

June 30th, 2007 - I present to you my first ever Top 100 list, of any kind. As difficult as it was to narrow down favorites and exclude films to the left and right of me, I finally was able to produce, after a good few months in trying, to represent fully the films which I valued most from my canon of viewed films (in the thousands). This wasn't easy. Alot of films, including a lot of drug films - Trainspotting and Requiem For A Dream, most specifically - were cut down, despite a personal preference to them. I wanted the films I put on this list to reflect my idea of a great, or at least a greatly interesting, film. This also means that they are my own personalchoices, so this is far from being an objective list. These films are not perfect, or universally regarded as classics; many could be copiously nitpicked in the same manner I could do to almost any personal list - perfection isn't the point nor is it the criteria. Certainly, a film like Planes, Trains, ands Automobiles has just as much a place on my list as a widely acknowledged masterpiece such as The Seventh Seal. My personal preference leans toward more cynical - occasionally even nihilist - films. There is alot of black comedy present on this list. There are some happier, lighter films on display, but my taste usually requires that most of the films have at the very least some kind of gravity to them (I even ask this of family oriented fare - a not altogether unfair request). Aside from having the neccessities of good acting and a seriously well-written screenplay, directorial inventiveness is a huge plus, though in the presence of great acting, I might leave it at competent directing. Again, I don't expect every person who reads this list to agree with the choices, or to know all of the films herein. However, I would recommend them to anyone in search of a film experience (whether or not it's pleasant in the conventional sense of the word), assuming they want a good film to watch and have some patience for such things as character development.

Enjoy.


Close Calls (Added 4.16.09) :
15. The Deer Hunter (1978)
14. There's Something About Mary (1998)
13. Lost In Translation (2003)
12. Cries And Whispers (1972)
11. Boogie Nights (1998)
10. Mystic River (2003)
9. Ran (1985)
8. Stop Making Sense (1984)
7. Pixote (1981)
6. Man Bites Dog (1992)
5. Jean De Florette/Manon Of The Spring (1985/6)
4. Happiness (1998)
3. Los Olvidados (1950)
2. Un Couer En Hiver (1992)
1. Time Out (2001)


The Top 100:

100. Cyclo (1995) - Some films have alternate methods to inspiring reponses from audiences than what would be considered the norm. Cyclo, which takes neo-realism and informs it with Tran Ahn Hung's inimitable visual style and pacing, is a film which is both haunting and mesmerizing to contemplate; much of what transpires onscreen will either confuse, repulse, or fascinate the viewer. By taking a minimalist approach to what is basically a standard 'innocence lost' parable, Hung creates visions of stunning beauty and ugliness. Leagues less popular than The Scent Of Green Papaya (Tran Ahn Hung's worldwide success from the previous year), Cyclo has gathered little moss since it's 1995 release, despite winning numerous awards; I hear it occasionly referred to as a beautiful bore. This could not be further from the truth; the film depicts violence and sexual cruelty with an unblinking, unflinching eye that recalls such stone cold stunners like The War Zone. The film follows a handful of characters as they fall deeper into the abyss of modern Vietnam, ranging from prostitution to murder and self-degradation (one scene in particular, which seems to come from nowhere, lays bare the disturbing and jarring effects of banal dehumanization). The film can be very hard to watch, but it is filled with memorable images and moments (one of the highlights being the best use of a Radiohead song I've seen in any film). Cyclo might not be suited to many people's personal tastes (I would bet on being in the vast minorty of people who think the film is a classic, if not having seen it altogether), it is nonetheless an impossible film to forget or dismiss, and that qualifies it for a firm position on my list.

99. Sweet Smell Of Success (1957) - Perhaps the best Billy Wilder film never made by the man himself, Sweet Smell Of Success is one of the ballsiest, nastiest, funniest, and scariest of all 50's comedies, a film with a biting wit and noir sensibilties which lend to it's incredible atmospehere and broodingly dark tone. The film's two main characters are instantly memorable, the first the pathetic Sidney Falco (played like true slime by Tony Curtis) and the horrific proto-Noah Cross demon from hell, J. J. Hunsecker (played marvelously - and surprisingly fatherly, by Burt Lancaster), a character so scary and unafraid of everything that he is a constant source of awe and contempt. Hunskecker is a natural winner, a man who takes the right chances, places himself in impossible situations and leaves them unscathed and perhaps even bettered, a real, merciless dog who will do anything to supply his personal needs (his professional needs only seem like an ugly extension of his real shameful desires). Sidney supplies him with information, among other services, and his new goal in aiding his horrible friend is keeping Hunsecker's sister Walda from falling in love with a local musician (if at all), Steve (referred to in most of the film as Dallas). Think of In The Company Of Men in the late 50's - unlike most films from it's era, this one holds up entirely as well a good 50 years later. I nearly got mortal shivers from this film, and it needed to be on here.

98. In The Company Of Men (1997) -

97. Scarface (1983) - How many films can you describe simultaneously (and accurately) as sleazy, campy, unevenly directed... and intense, powerful, and utterly compelling? Brian De Palma's 1983 remake of Howard Hawk's 1932 clasic, Scarface: Shame Of The Nation ranks as a classic itself, almost in spite of it's own intentions (or some mixture of them). It is an almost surreal experience, a film that simply had to exist in it's spectacular form and had to be made the exact way it was to be as memorable as it turned out to be, existing in some odd, perfect way that cannot be copied or faked. Of course, there are still those who believe that this film deserved it's initial Razzie bashing (never forget, The Shining got a few, too), but they are outweighed (vastly) by the film's dedicated legion of fans and an amazing number of critics who now hail it as a classic (if in uncertain terms). Personally, I can't imagine the film being any different than the final product, and I am thankful; this is a frantic, mesmerizing film that features a great performance from Al Pacino, an utterly memorable screenplay by Oliver Stone, and crazed, frenzied direction from Brian De Palma (not to mention a severely underrated supporting turn from Steven Bauer). It is a gangster classic which creates an epic, diseased world for it's anti-hero to thrive in; the storyline and it's fantastic conclusion are now a part of the cultural lexicon, as well as the film's most famous quote 'Say hello to my little friend!'. Though the influence of Scarface has been negligible at best, it's effect on me is one of consistent awe and trans fixation. This bloody, intense masterwork may not be to many people's tastes, but it is undeniably effective and backs up it's startling tastelessness with keen self-awareness and masterful panache. You may not even like Tony Montana (or the film) by the end of it's three hours, but you will be left with a load of unforgettable scenes and the searing sense of seeing a true film event.

96. Blade Runner (1982 - Version: Final Cut) - A haunting, unparalleled vision into the bleak future of humanity, Ridley Scott's 1982 masterpiece 'Blade Runner' has reveled in a successful redemption from box office and critical failure to all-time film classic in less than a quarter of a century. It's not with a light touch that people apply the worlds 'ground-breaking', 'transcendent', or 'pioneering' with a film as late as the 1980's, but here it is wholly accurate; Scott fashioned, still early in his occasionally disappointing career, a meisterstroke that would influence hundreds of sci-fi films later on and still does so today. I've always appreciated the film's oppressive, overwhelming atmosphere and it's fantastic sense of restraint - it's not a typical science fiction film in any way - and the way that the plot manages to turn in on itself and lends itself beautifully to repeat viewings. There have been criticisms of the romance between the two leads, Harrison Ford and Sean Young, and until the Final Cut the number of replicants never quite made sense, but what the film does right is far more apparent than it's more minor flaws. Blade Runner manages to create an amazing, multi-dimensional villain in Roy Batty, who gives the film it's most achingly poignant scen. There is solid supporting work from Darryl Hannah, M. Emmet Walsh, a bizarrely convincing Edward James Olmos in an ominously ambiguous role, and Harrison Ford successfully sheds his image as Indiana Jones, giving a low-key portrait of a man with more feelings of doubt than duty . The film's main character, however, is it's unrivaled landscape, depicting an abandoned earth left for dead by off-world colonizers, littered with ads that form off the sides of buildings and aircraft and covered in perpetual darkness, punctuated by the numerous fissures of light. Add to this a beautifully distressing score, and a very appropriate ending that is fascinating as much for what it says as how it says it, and perhaps the single greatest scene of the 1980's (suffice to say, I've mentioned it already - and yes, doves are involved), and I'm confident in stating that Ridley Scott's initially maligned and startlingly prophetic film is a masterpiece.

95. Out Of Sight (1998) - Once in a great while, it's a real pleasure to see a thriller which, despite relating little to outside politics or 'important' issues, takes the audience seriously and devotes time to not only humor and suspense, but to create a real, believable love story for us to care about. Love stories in thrillers are usually dime-a-dozen, thrown-in last minute plot developments. Not so for Steven Soderbergh's Out Of Sight, which may be the perfect date movie; the film mixes satisfying, memorable dialogue (an early scene in the trunk containing the perhaps the best bit of cops-n'robbers dailogue ever written), fine acting (Clooney and Lopez have rarely been as magnetic, or as appealing), fine directing (this is the tightest Soderbergh film I've been privvy to), a 'hip' but balanced soundtrack, and a moving love story. The film's hidden trump card, however, is it's truly unpredictable plotline. I would be hard-pressed to guess how things turned out, who was going to do what to who, who was going to be where, or even how certain scenes were going to unfold, half-way through the scenes themselves. At one point, it becomes doubtful that the romance will last pragmatically, or even develop, and it even becomes doubtful as to whether Clooney's character survives (both would be givens in almost any other movie). This is a stellar example of a film taking advantage of viewer expectations and continually (yet organically) thwarting them. In a view I would expect to be chastised for, I find this to be the most complete of Soderbergh's efforts, lacking the rushed, disappointing final fourth of Sex, Lies, And Videotape, and actually ending (Traffic). In fact, as far as endings go - especially for thrillers - Out Of Sight's conclusion is near-perfect. Out Of Sight is one of the most satisfying cinematic experiences I can recall having, and easily has a right to be called one of the few best thrillers to reach the silver screen in recent years.

94. Dead Man Walking (1995)

93. Miller's Crossing (1990)

92. Audition (1999) - One word I find constantly overused in critical columns is the word 'disturbing'. It is so overused a term that when it is truly justified, it's a genuine shock. That's a huge reason why an otherwise forgettable film like Irreversible can be develop a cult following, or why Requiem For A Dream has become a phenomenon in film - people love a good, genuine shock; when we are so used to films placating our desires with shameless abandon, the fact that there are any films that can reach us on a gut level comes as a sort of surprise. One such surprise was an import to America, in 2001, when the 1999 Japanese horror film Audition recieved a limited release. The film, which starts out slowly but ends a Grand Guignol, is as unsettling a film experience as can be found - the ending is the most intense and unforgiving denounement I have encountered in a film to date. Imagine a modern Jigoku. That the film starts out as a strangely effecting romance in Ozu key is one of it's most underrated surprises. Not only is Audition a daunting film experience, but it is a consistently compelling film which builds towards it's conclusion instead of simply having a great third half (this was a chief problem for me with Aronofsky's film). The film's mysterious elements at the beginning begin to accumulate as the final third draws closer, and what seems like a simple faux courtship turns into a psychological and physical descent into hell. This is a fine film, but be warned; sleep is not expected afterwards, nor is it even encouraged (who knows what kind of nigthmares this film could give you?). This is one of the few genre efforts of recent that truly earned it's many accolades from critics and horror afficionados alike.

91. Patton (1970)

90. Naked (1993) - Unrelentingly nihilistic, angry, and unexpectedly hilarious, 'Naked' is a highlight in the career of one of cinema's most recent reliables, Mike Leigh (I argue it his best film - though I do acknowledge that Secrets & Lies is powerful, an outright comparison of the two films is ultimately pointless considering how differently their philosophies and techniques ultimately are). The film follows an anarchistic, philosphically complex individual, Jonny (played by David Thewliss in one of the best performances of the 90's - he should have won the Oscar for Best Actor, or at least been nominated) as he meanders through a hellish London, spewing his beliefs at any person who dare listen, and attaches himself like a leech to them until he is able to point out thier limits and the inevitable hopelessness of thier situations. He is unwilling to commit to love, unable to comfort, and ultimately impossible to follow in a way which merits meaning - and incorruptible corruption of humanity. If the film's portyrayal of him is dark, then it's comparison with Jeremy, a hedonistic monster who is capable of greater horror, is almost frighteningly shocking. Anyone who is looking for a lighter display of the human condition need not look here; there is no hope for anyone in this hellish freefall, and moments of catharsis are few and far between. The beautifully discordant score is icing on an already dark cake, and the script ultimately brings us to place which will strip many a viewer of too much of thier comfort zone. This film is meant to be endured, and for those who can stomach the emotional viscera, it is also to be treasured for its successful attempt at skewering both conventional plot requirements and our own sometimes fragile ideas of contentment.

89. Se7en (1995) - The unexpected smah hit of 1995, Se7en is willfully unlike any thriller I've ever seen, a surprisingly deep and powerful film which packs both visceral thrills, genuine horror scares (Sloth, anyone?), an intelligent, biting script, and the best work-to-date of Morgan Freeman, who imbues his William Somerset with a haunting complexity. Rarely has a film, nonetheless a genre film, ever seemed so singular in retrospect. I remember my first viewing of the film vividly; I was 16, a completely casual film watcher, turning to TBS out of boredom, where 'Se7en' was currently unspooling. In two short hours, I was totally blown away by what was being shown on screen. Even today, hundreds of films later, Se7en remains an extremely satisfying viewing, and it's most (in)famous scene retains it's unsettling power after several views (the first time I saw it I felt like turning off the TV). There have been sour grapes about Brad Pitt's acting in the film, but the importance of his character to the film's unexpectedly bleak finale is incalculable; I started to feel and understand, after a number of views (and some added film perspective here or there), that Fincher's ultimate view of Detective Mills was not of that of the sidekick, but as the catalyst of the investigation's downfall (Mill's main flaws are generously hinted at in one scene. You'll know which scene I mean the instant you see William Somerset look at his partner with a mysterious disgust). Such a choice would be unthinkable in today's routine cop dramas. Coupled with a truly loathesome and intelligent killer, the best freak editing you've ever seen, and a chilling moral regarding apathy in our society, Se7en is a film that is fresh in audience's minds nearly 13 years later, and with good reason.

88. Five Easy Pieces (1970)

87. Talk To Her (2002)

86. Some Like It Hot (1959) - Has there ever been a funnier, more perceptive film about masculinity? Billy Wilder's comic gem stands as one of the best films of his career, a compliment none too light or small. The film's ability to wring laughter - and I mean boatloads of it - from it's characters and their horribly pathetic situations makes Some Like It Hot an irresistable treat which, despite possessing Wilder's trademark cynical humor, has a lighthearted edge to it. Think The Apartment with Jack Lemmon in drag and a pair of twisted romances thrown in for good measure. The most obvious virtue of the film, besides it's incredibly imaginative script (which makes today's gender switcheroos look unforgivably stale and lazy in comparison) and Wilder's pin-point comic accuracy, is the woman in the middle of it all (the real woman, that is); Marilyn Monroe. Her blissfully unaware flirtiness, which is almost too much to bear in certain sequences (the climax being an all-too-intimate secret party with Lemmon's Daphne), sizzles the screen like only a true sex icon could. We can understand anyone going crazy for her, and also jealous contempt for the lucky bastard (in this cae, Curtis) who manages to pull it off, which allows the comical standoffs between Curtis and Lemmon to be absolutely sibe-burtsing and incredibly intense (one sequence in particular has Tony Curtis looking like he REALLY wants to tear Jack's head off). Add to this some of the most hilariously misinformed mafiosos in screen history, Tony Curtis giving us his best millionaire swine screwjob (bless him), Marilyn Monroes consistently revealing dresses, and a finale which will lead to a funny kind of horrific reaction from any straight males in the audience, Some Like It Hot is one of many good reasons why Billy Wilder may have been the best director of his time.

85. Battle Royale (2000)

84. The Lost Weekend (1945)

83. The Departed (2006)

82. JFK (1991)

81. Clerks (1994) - Sometimes, films don't need to achieve technical perfection to be considered 'classics'. Films like The Breakfast Club, Escape From New York, Scarface, and Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert aren't masterpieces, but have enormous followings nonetheless. Clerks, which may be the most popular comedy of the 90's, belongs in that niche, since it certainly isn't perfect; much of the acting is amateurish, and it's camerawork isn't masterful (it never really moves). Even so, it's appeal is undeniable - it displays American adolescence in an honest, painfully funny manner in a way that rings of truth even while it searches for laughs. Kevin Smith's script creates characters that are believable and memorable, and imbues them with an ironic dignity; they all range from simple clerks to drug dealers, yet they are interesting people capable of commanding our attention without forced manipulation from Smith. A drama unfolds, albeit an understated and nearly non-existant one, and a moral about adolescent alienation develops throughout the film (amazingly, this was claimed to be entirely unintentional) that ultimately brings the events within to another level. The original finale, in which Smith killed off Dante, was thankfully removed; it solidified the concept that Smith truly cared about his characters and was interested in their futures (something he would return to quite often). Clerks established Smith's career, which has had other successes - Chasing Amy, most specifically - but he has never been able to top the remarkable achievement of his debut, even in it's more deliberate and high-budget sequel twelve years later. This is movie magic, and a genuine triumph of independent filmmaking.

80. No Country For Old Men (2007)

79. Finding Nemo (2003)

78. A Christmas Story (1983)

77. Psycho (1960)

76. The Freshman (1925)

75. Raging Bull (1980) - An impossible film to ignore for any list, I would certainly expect to be chastised for putting Martin Scorsese' widely accepted masterpiece (caveat; I disagree with that entirely) at number 72 on a 100 film chart. It is not a decision I would apologize for; I've always seen the film as cold, with a main character who defies sympathy, lacking the sweep and hypnotic suction of Taxi Driver and Goodfellas (it's worthy of note to mention that it's more insular and uncompromised character study elements are a few reasons as to why people prefer it to the other two films, which are more plot-driven than reflective). This does not, however, keep me from becoming hooked every time I see the film; this is a blistering, visceral experience with a great script and one of the screen's best performances by Robert DeNiro as the pitiless and plain frightening Jake La Motta, who is so scary that the film builds off simple things as conversations and stand-offs between him and the people he loves, if love is indeed the right word (if the term even exists on his planet). Scorsese shoots the film in the timeless black and white scheme of genre classics from the 50's (the film is, at it's heart, a boxing genre film), and evokes the spirit of not only love for the fight, but also injects the boxing matches La Motta has with a guilt-ridding system of justice. The last fight with Sugar Ray Robinson, in particular, is notable for it's placement in La Molta's personal life as much as it is for it's incredible brutality. Cathy Moriarty is amazing (at age 19!) as La Motta's horribly battered wife, and Joe Pesci turns his first great performance for Scorsese as Jake's brother, who serves as both a catalyst for his rage when he provides support and a victim when he offends his brother's unreasonable and unforgiving code of honor. With a memorable score and the usual fantastic editing by Thelma Schoonmaker (who won one of the film's only two Oscars - damn, the academy sucks), Raging Bull is more than above the sports films it is often associated with - films like Hoosiers and Rocky are fine films, but have no place in the same ballpark as this film - it is one of the best films of the 80's and as much testament to the terribly self-destructive power of musculinity as it is to Scorsese's ageless ability to craft superior films on a highly personal level, regardless of what they are about.


74. The Third Man (1949) - As it is widely considered a landmark of world cinema, there is little I can add to The Third Man's stature at this point, except to say that I, sometimes many generations younger than the critics who help it approach Sight & Sounds Top 10 polls on a consistent basis, find the film to be a defining experience in my time as a filmgoer. There are few, if any, thrillers who mix the white-knuckle elements of the genre with such a solid dramatic structure, from it's mysterious beginning to it's spellbinding conclusion, and fewer still which are as endlessly beautiful. This film really could, murder elements and medical atrocities aside, serve as a great promotional tool for the city of Vienna, casting it in a gaze-worthy gleam, doused in glorious black and white for greater effect. Indeed, between the film's extraordinary visuals, it's perfect script, dazzling score, and the great acting (especially by you-know-who playing you-know-who), The Third Man is one of the most complete entertainment packages in cinema; in it's own way, it is similar to 'M' in it's genre-bending transcendence (substituted with a much more articulate villain). The plot, which involves Holly Martin looking for his friend, Harry Lime, in post-war Vienna, and everything that could possibly happen between, is a masterpiece of both build-up and execution - we go from distant onlookers to participants, and in the climax, you can really feel Carol Reed twisting his knife in your back a full 360 degrees. Here is a film guaranteed to snag you. My advice; don't try to expand upon the plot details I've described before seeing the film. Staying purposely cold to much of the film's details helped me enjoy it's twists a bit more (something I really wish I could do with Psycho).

73. McCabe & Mrs. Miller (1972) - A Western which is wholly divorced of the term and everything it implies, McCabe & Mrs. Miller is a dream-like drama of untold power. Roger Ebert once described the film as being perfect, and it's difficult to disagree with his findings; this film is the most convincing period drama I have been privvy to, both of time and place as well as the events that occur. In fact, the film has such a powerfully construed sense of reality that the distance which forms between the audience and any character is entirely dissolved - these seem like real people, capable of creating both fascination and also a terrible unpredictability. The central story of Beatty's McCabe establishing a town (including a complimentary brothel) with the distant and unemotive Mrs. Miller (played sublimely caustically by Julie Christie) is secondary to Robert Altman's goal of creating an alternate reality, peppered with genuinely otherworldly imagery and a haunting score by Leonard Cohen. This lends to the film a great versimilitude, and as the events in the film (brought o n by a deal from Sears & Roebucks which McCabe foolishly challenges, and then denies outright) boil to a head, the dramatic effect of the film begins to sneak up and grasp the viewer. The finale, which is ambiguously triumphant and terribly depressing, is a sad ending to what is perhaps the best work of Robert Altman's career (a man known for his consistent achievments in the art of film, especially in developing believable characters and situations on a grander scale than a general audience is truly used to), with a tighter focus than any of his ensemble films, and a dramatic quotient which simply does not exist at it's level in any of his other works. As a personal zenith and fearless artistic endeavor for all involved, this film is not only Robert Altman's most fulfilling accomplishment, but as a viewing experience, McCabe & Mrs. Miller is one of the flat-out finest films of the 1970's.

72. Dead Ringers (1988) - As popular as David Cronenberg's films (especially his 80's films) are, there is a void between being a fan of his work and actually liking them on a more conventional level. Films like The Dead Zone, Shivers, and Videodrome are certainly impressive films in certain ways, but it wasn't until The Fly in 86' when Croneneberg was able to marry his inimitable style to a more conventional storyline (a tragedy). The film was the best success of his career at the time, and the finale packed a visceral punch that his other film did not possess. However, if The Fly was his stepping stone to greatness, then 1988's Dead Ringers is the lofty peak of his career - a film which manages to thrill, disturb, and intrigue the viewer from beginning to horrifying end. The effect Cronenberg achieves with the film is the most devastating of all his works; based on a true story, Dead Ringers follows two twins through a shared psychological descent into the abyss of drug addiction and madness. The famously unsettling gynecological instruments (which have reportedly caused great pain for members of the other sex viewing the film) and a sadomasochist relationship with a patient which alternately redeems and destroys them, simply act as icing on the cake. Much like The Fly, the ending has a terrible tragic dimension to it; Cronenberg never shies away from the flaws of his characters, and their final fate is both sadly inevitable and unflinching in it's presentation. I also believe Jeremy Iron's performance(s) as the twins (incalculably aided by Croneneberg's visual trickery) to be one of the best of the 80's - he creates two characters who earn distinction through thier actions rather than through gimmickry. It is a sin (to count with all the others) against the academy for ignoring him (though it is rumored his Best Actor win for Reversal Of Fortune may have been partially in debt to this snub). I've heard it said that Dead Ringers feels like a contemporary extension of Roman Polanski's horror films, and while that certainly explains the bleak nature of the film, the clinical approach championed by Cronenberg (with a suitably chilling score by Howard Shore) is all his own, and that ends up elevating this film to the level of psychological drama in tandem with that of effective thriller and horror film (think The Exorcist). Dead Ringers, above all, proves that, when he maintains focus, Cronenberg's talents are miles beyond that of any of his contemporaries, and though his surprisingly solid recent efforts have redeemed his pitiful 90's outings (excepting Naked Lunch), he has never approached the level of mastery he attained here, nor is he likely to again.

71. Paths Of Glory (1957)

70. In The Mood For Love (2000) - In the realm of on-screen romances, everyone has a favorite - contenders are as diverse as they are different. Not everyone who enjoys Before Sunrise will fall for When Harry Met Sally. Based on the previous sentence, In The Mood For Love might give these people a seizure. This is the oddest, most atmospheric and surreal romance in contemporary cinema, about a love story which never happens between two people who's significant others are romantically entwined with each other. The film is offbeat, but certain in it's approach to the relationship between in it's central characters and it's inner futility. The film feels, at times, like a Hong Kong version of Un Couer En Hiver (another fine film about a relationship which never materializes), and it's impact is similar. The film is uncompromised in it's finale, and when the dust has cleared, director Wong Kar Wai has brought us from emotional distance to painfully close contact with more exquisite skill and tenderness that I've ever seen in any film romance. It's at the very least well worth a look from any patient viewer.

69. Amadeus (1984) - When seeing Amadeus for the first time a few years ago, I was of the opinion that classical music was annoying, overly pretentious fluff that appealed only to scholars and faux intellectuals (or as with the Monty character in Withnail & I, crazy gay millionaires). For the most part, my opinion wasn't changed by Amadeus, but I certainly could see what was so exciting about Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's music, and also what was so daring and unique about it. One could be forgiven for mistaking Amadeus' tone before seeing the film - expecting a period drama and getting Amadeus can be a nasty surprise. On the other hand, if you want a deliciously overblown, visually decadent, musically proficient, and incredibly irreverent film with a tragic twist, then you will do no better than Milos Forman's second Oscar-winner for Best Picture, the film of Mozart's incredible talent and vision, and also of the man who saw his genius blossom when no one else could - and suffered for it eternally. Tom Hulce plays the genius titular character like a cartoonish freak attraction who happens to, horrifyingly, make some of the best music known to man (irony is not one of the film's more subtle elements). The best performance of the film, however, belongs to F. Murray Abraham as Salieri, who creates one of the most stunningly complex and sympathetic villain ever to grace the screens, a character who is tragically more relatable to the audience than Mozart (unless someone is under the illusion that they are a great composer themselves), and ultimately more forlorn by his respect for Mozart than his hatred for him. Here is a character whose motivations are earth-shattering and nakedly honest, real to the last detail, and totally, painfullly believable. The solid supporting work helps glue the film togther well enough, but much of the film concerns one or both main characters navigating life in the 1800s and the funny, and tragic, limitations of their times. The fate of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart in the mortal world is ultimately wrenching and unusually poignant for the film's tone. A definite must-see for cinematic purposes alone, Amadeus is also the most respectful film towards the art of music I have ever encountered. In other words, recommended for all but the most hopelessly jaded/immature viewer.

68. Election (1999)

67. Glory (1989)

66. The Three Colors Trilogy (1993-4)

65. The Gold Rush (1925)

64. The Dark Knight (2008) - A pretty high debut, yes, but one that I feel is well-deserved - Christopher Nolan's latest success in a career littered with them, and is easily the finest super-hero film ever created, improving upon it's considerable predecessor (Batman Begins) in every way imaginable and delivering a shock to the system that will not be forgotten very easily. Yet, as difficult and complex the film is, it can still be consistently enjoyed as an actioner, and it's climactic scenario, which features two ferries forced to play judge, jury, and executioner, is as engrossing and exciting as it is harrowing. The acting, highlighted by an amazing perfrormance by the late Heath Ledger as the Joker, a surprisingly ferocious turn from Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent (and yes, Two-Face), and Christian Bale making the batsuit his for eternity, is front-to-back solid, and the film's score - which is superlative at creating tension and dread - is perhaps the most effective of any film in it's genre. At 2 1/2 hours, the film never drags, and the pacing is incredible - this film literally flies by on it's dark, visceral energy, and the emotional undercurrents that are created in the second half underscore the action incredibly well - a trait which improves upon repeat viewings. This is one title that is not only a sure purchase, but a stone-cold classic. There may never be a comic book adaptation like this ever again, and if there is, we are all the richer for such miracles.

63. Apocalypse Now (1979) - A slightly flawed yet immensely powerful and extremely well-aged film about the Vietnam experience, Apocalypse Now might not be the definitive film of the conflict (I believe this to be Platoon), but it is most certainly superior to most other wars films in it's thematic depth and in it's revelations of war - things that make the Russian roulette scenes in The Deer Hunter seem escapist by comparison. The issue of the film, the core, is that war is utmost an assault on the mind, on one's sanity, and that piercing of the flesh is only one of the real horrors of war. When the film reaches it's ending, which is mezmering yet shallow and misguided, Coppola uses his dirctorial sense to make the film as surrealistic as possible, and while this may not save the under-written and under-realized nature of Brando's Kurtz, he completes the film on the terms of mood and achieves at least in part his objective of deglamourizing war, and the scenes before it - including Kurt's air raid, which is one of the few truly perfect film scenes I can recall, a fabulous USO disaster, and one of the most amazing intros to any film, ever, redeem Apocalypse Now and supply it with a claim to greatness - it may not be perfect, but it is certainly the best at what it attempts to accomplish, and it's goals dwarf almost any war film I can remember. As both an epic and as an ambitious cap to the 70's, cited by critics as a film 'golden age', Apocalypse Now still satisifies a surprising amount of it's expectations.

62. Blue Velvet (1986)

61. Deliverance (1972) - The greatest of all 'man vs. nature' parables, Deliverance is the ultimate camping trip gone wrong; rape, murder, and broken limbs abound in what has to be the worst canoe trip in the history of cinema. Certainly, Deliverance has enough naive machoism, heroic spectacle and thrilling potent actionn sequences to secure any viewer's interest. The flip of this is that the director views their trip through a darker lense than that of the usual thrill ride; dark philosophies about nature and man's place inside of it are simply the beginning of the film's Nitzchean pie. This may be the first film I've seen that treats human characteristics such as masculinity as a sort of warped curse, and allows man's basic nature to rebel against itself. There are no monsters, no thrilling score (we get banjos instead), no heros (Burt Reyolds provides us with the perfect foil - until we find out even [i]he[/i] has no idea what to do), just the cool, deadly serenity of nature engulfing four naive cityboys alive. The film also contains one of the most effective, harrowing and graphic rape scenes in any film; this is visceral, sickening stuff, and has become somewhat iconic for it's squealing (much like the film's other famous sequence, 'Deuling Banjos', became iconic for it's literal presentation of the title). Excellently acted by every principal (even the designated guitarist, Ronny Cox, gets his due in an argument over what to do with a poor soul with an arrow stuck in him), and directed with a paranoid intensity by John Boorman (who makes the most convincing use of zooming since Hitchcock), Deliverance is one of the most recognizable and memorable films of the 1970's, a thrilling yet unnerving tale that implies that, perhaps, even innocence lost fables can occur after age 30.

60. The Princess Bride (1987) - Charming. If ever a film I have seen fits that description effortlessly, it's The Princess Bride. While perhaps not my favorite Reiner production, The Princess Bride nonetheless testifies to the genius he once displayed in the 80's as a director - indeed, his balance of the fairy tale elements and the satiricial humor is perfect, never sacrificing emotion for wit, and vice versa. We both laugh at and care about these characters - Inigo Montoya's (Mandy Patankin, in the film's best perfrormance) journey to avenge his father is one of the most fulfilling emotional experiences you are likely to find - and the cast (including none other than Andre The Giant!) is all game, with an especially enchanting couple in Robin Wright and Cary Elwes. If you find that films like The Wizard Of Oz are too flattering in their treatment of fairy tales and that Shrek is a little too unwilling to compensate it's edginess with genuine character development, then this should be a satisfying middle ground. Depsite being exposed it to it rather late (only in college), I have seen it at least 15 times, which is all too solid a testament to my fascination with the film - and evidence of the magic it's creator once possessed before his 90's and 00's flops. Guaranteed pleasure.

59. The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

58. Bonnie & Clyde (1967)

57. Leaving Las Vegas (1995)

56. The Producers (1968)

55. Singin' In The Rain (1954)

54. Floating Weeds (1959) - Late Japanese film director Yasujiro Ozu is regarded by many critics as a 'friend' (the one I'm paraphrasing most directly, however, is Roger Ebert). The reasoning for this is not entirely difficult to see; he has a way of making the mundane, sometimes bleak cycle of life seem endearing, and is able to wring messages of warmth and inspiration from the tiniest parts of the world. Floating Weeds' story only concerns a village, but Ozu's impact has a far broader scale. In this, my favorite of the films I've seen from him (the others include the amazing Tokyo Story, The original 1934 film Story Of Floating Weeds, and Late Spring), a village is riddled with dilemmas when an ill-fated dramatic troupe comes to town. The film basically builds off of the character's interactions, and, in the end, a sort of catastrophe has occured which has reshaped the village and it's inhabitants in various ways with varying effects. The one thing that truly marks the film as a different kind of experience is Ozu's warmth and respect for his characters, and most of all, his audience. It would be simple to liken Yasujiro Ozu to a Japanese Frank Capra, and the comparison is not without merit (both are, after all, directors of fantastic substance), but it is possible to say Ozu is a deeper, if not more consistent filmmaker than his predecessor. After a viewing of Floating Weeds, it is not entirely difficult, if only temporarily, to see people for what they perhaps really are; silly, foolhardy, yet oddly endearing creatures, capable of error, but also of great compassion and demanding of a greater sympathy.

53. Magnolia (1999)

52. The Shining (1980)

51. Lord Of The Rings Trilogy (2001 - 2003) - As overwhelming as some of it's supporters may be, The Lord Of The Rings was truly one of the most memorable motion picture events I can recall. When I watched Return Of The King, the last and best installment among near-equals, sweep the Academy Awards (including Best Picture and Director), I was surprised that a fantasy film actually won Best Picture - and that the best film of the year had been awarded as such (however good the academy has been lately). Although the first film, Fellowship Of The Ring, feels slightly weak in comparison to the others (it's obvious Jackson's vision wasn't fully formed at this point), the series went from good to great with the second installment, The Two Towers, which climaxed with the now-famous Helm's Deep battle. This turned to masterpiece with Return Of The King, which not only improved on it's predecessors' flaws, few they were, and created an achievement to go down in film history, the same as Star Wars did three decades ago (without the disappointing final film). I've heard this series compared to greats like Citizen Kane in terms of accomplishment, and although I am more thana little wary of doing that so early - even now - it's difficult to see this series as anything else but a cosmic meisterstroke, one that will perhaps never be bettered in the fantasy world.

50. City Of God (2002) - A visceral, daunting film masterpiece, City Of God is this decade's Goodfellas, and has an intense virtuosity that I've rarely seen in any film. This film is nearly filled to the brim with dynamite, ready to explode at any second, pummeling the viewer with powerful, occasionally haunting, images; it is an extremely distinct directorial effort by Fernando Meirelles, who displays all the elements of a veteran, and yet all the passion of a newcomer. The film is incredibly unpredictable and extremely ambiguous in it's treatment of it's screen criminals - they range from pathetic drug dealers to all-out monsters - displaying them as the warped youth of a doomed culture eating itself from the inside out. There have been numerous films about the street kids of Brazil (the fabulous 'Pixote' among them), but none of them are this fierce, or as involving, and although few of these kids are professional actors, there is fantastic work all around - the best being Lil' Ze, the monstrous yet all-too-human heavy of the picture. If you want a film with scope (it covers three decades in Brazilain culture), energy, and most of all, realism, then City Of God is one of the best choices available, and along with Aronofsky's flawed-but-powerful Requiem For A Dream, represents perhaps the decade's most technically nimble and inventive directorial effort.

49. The Seventh Seal (1957)

48. Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf? (1966)

47. Platoon (1986)

46. The Godfather (1972)

45. Reservior Dogs (1992)

44. Memento (2000)

43. The Sweet Hereafter (1997) - The personal nature of tragedy is explored in full in this truly miraculous drama, Atom Egoyan's finest hour (and a half), which seamlessly interweaves tragedies (a bus accident, a daughter lost to drug addiciton) to a greater cumulative effect. Indeed, everyone has reason to grieve here, and their reasons distort their decisions, eventually culminating in a fissure in the community when a lawyer, Mitchell Stevens, comes to town to look for blame where there is none. Relationships crumble, sins and sinners are exposed, and confusion descends upon the once healthy community. In the midst of the devastation, Egoyan searches for meaning, and asks questions; does there have to be a reason for a tragedy, or a cause? Do we look for blame to assauge our pain, or guilt? Is all of one person's life one tragedy waiting to happen, or a string of tragedies? Here, there are no easy answers, but thankfully, Egoyan has entrusted the finale with intelligence and heart, so that when the characters reach their final destinations, we are never cold or unresponsive to thier fates, nor are we able to be anything but grieving, hopeful participants. The Sweet Hereafter is a film with depths unseen by it's contemporaries, and although it didn't win Best Picture for 1997, it has more than earned it through merit. It would be a sin to pass a film with this much intelligence and insight up.

42. Unforgiven (1992) - Despite releasing three great-or-near-great films over this decade (2003's Mystic River, 2004's Best Picture winner Million Dollar Baby, and the underrated Letters From Iwo Jima in 2006), 1992's Unforgiven is still the shining pinnacle of Clint Eastwood's career as a director, as an actor, and as a gunslinger (worthy of note: deciding which of these three is the most impressive is a relatively tough feat). The film tears through Western cliches and mythos like a hot knife through butter, and it's revisionist philosophies towards violence, masculinity, and justice define this as a nearly nihilistic film; comparing Unfogiven in tone to Dances With Wolves is similar to likening The Princess Bride to The Name Of The Rose. In addition to Eastwood's fine performance, Gene Hackman creates a curiously normal villain that stands as perhaps the most human of the Western 'bad guys' - the extent which he is truly 'bad' is ambiguously displayed. None of this demystifying is unintentional, nor does it detract from the dramatic elements of the story; this a elegy for the old Westerns, all the while sending them up in an intelligent, always serious and reverent manner. Bleaker and more perceptive than even High Noon, Unforgiven stands as the ultimate dark Western - one where redemption is more an illusion than a possibility, legends are largely fallacies, and where the villain is only marginally more out of focus with morality than the film's hero (if at all). This is powerful, and always clever, food for thought, and it remains a compelling view well past the intial viewing.

41. Midnight Cowboy (1969)

40. Raiders Of The Lost Ark (1981)

39. Yi Yi (2000)

38. Clean, Shaven (1993) - Despite having a relatively non-existant budget and having an occasional dry moment or two (as most low-budgets debuts are prone to), Lodge Kerrigan's debut effort, which was stalled in production purgatory for over 18 months due to the inlcusion of a scene so raw and unflinching you may have to cover your eyes, is a masterpiece of psychological tension. The film's unnerving, unwavering sound effects (which achieve perfection in juxtaposition with the film's visuals) are some of the best and most innovative ever used in a film, while Peter Greene's portrayal of a spectacularly disturbed individual is one of the most overlooked performances of the 90's; he helps Kerrigan dig deeper into the central schizophrenic more than we would like to think possible. What emerges is a visceral, harrowing, and undeniably brilliant examination of one man's hopeless attempts to reconcile with his long-lost daughter, all the while with a detective on his trail for a heinous crime which he may or may not have committed. The film's emotional effect is certainly not intended to be mistaken for escapsim; I would put it in the ranks of films like Irreversible or Audition in it's ability to scourge the viewers' senses (albeit with a more enlightened purpose than either film), and the ultimate conclusion of the film is unbearably depressing. One good reason for the film's impact is the unrelentingly ugly and suffocating aesthetic it provides in the background - the locations Kerrigan has chosen are all withered, rotting monuments of anguish, and the film is peppered with all kinds of off-beat visual choices (rotting fish-heads), not to mention the most disturbing autopsy footage I've ever seen in a motion picture (although it is much more appropriate than the unecessarily gratuitous images in Sean Penn's The Pledge). Whatever emotion you walk out of 'Clean, Shaven' with, from horror to vivid enlightenment (the film, after all, encourages afterthought at it's conclusion), this a motion picture you will never, ever forget.

37. A Fish Called Wanda (1988)

36. It's A Wonderful Life (1946)

35. Beauty And The Beast (1991) - The best of Disney's considerable animated canon, Beauty And The Beast is one of the best justifications of animation as legitimate entertainment available. Beauty And The Beast achieves a tone which not only allows satire (albeit in light) of former musicals, but allows the film to breathe and to establish it's situations more rewardingly. The relationship between Belle and The Beast is perfectly molded, and the eventual peril that they face is made all the more involving because of this. The songs which are inextricably linked the film's emotional success is perhaps the best in any animated picture - these are songs literally constucted of memorable hooks, one after the other, with incredibly clever, delightfully irreverent lyrics (the pinnacle of this would be 'Gaston', with it's hilarious 'I use antlers in all of my de-cor-at-ing!'). Almost as importantly is the heft given to the supporting players, who all give amazingly memorable turns and who all strike of both inventive visual design and light, tempered approaches to thier development; they are kind and selfless, yet they also share the motivations of the Beast as well (after all, who wants to live life as a candle?). It's rare than any family film, especially one made from Disney, to exhibit such a large amount of intelligence, and although it may have a slightly rushed ending which is blunted by a fantastical contrivance, the film is ultimately able to wrap it's storyline elements up in a satisfying way. This is the best animated film from any American studio, decade be damned.

34. Dances With Wolves (1990)

33. Rashomon (1950)

32. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest (1975)

31. Fight Club (1999) -

30. Planes, Trains, & Automobiles (1987) - In the careers of John Hughes, Steve Martin, and John Candy, none of them were given the chance to shine as brightly as they did in this film. This was not only Hughes' transition from teen fare to more general film-making, but his most mature film yet, without abandoning the charm of his earlier films in the process. 'Home Alone' hadn't yet destroyted his ambition with it's easy sasles and un-asked for sequels. Steve Martin and John Candy hadn't broken out just yet, and were still at the top of their games, and both in turn made thier characters genuinely their own - from the beginning that the film starts to it's surprisingly emotional ending, they both create memorable people that linger and stay with the viewer long after the film has ended. If there has to be a perfect film for the Thanksgiving season, then there is no better choice than 'Planes, Trains, and Automobiles', but it's just as valuable on it's own as top-flight, genuinely inspired joy. Enjoy.

29. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

28. Do The Right Thing (1989)

27. Sunset Boulevard (1950)

26. The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

25. Casablanca (1942)

24. Chinatown (1974)

23. Ikiru (1952)

22. Remains Of The Day (1993)

21. The Usual Suspects (1995)

20. Clockwork Orange (1971)

19. Ugetsu (1953)

18. Taxi Driver (1976)

17. Citizen Kane (1941)

16. Silence Of The Lambs (1991)

15. Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb (1964) - One of the few American masterpieces that have held up decades after thier release (besting overrated, ticket-eating efforts like Gone With The Wind and The Exorcist), Dr. Strangelove has a satiric edge that has only gained momentum with time. The gleefully dark absurdities of the plot and it's infinitely quotable arsenal of lines ('Gentlemen, you can't fight here! This is the war room!) have not aged a day, and the inspired comic turns, including a triple-hat by Peter Sellers, a prophetic turn from George C. Scott (whose work here is almost a foreshadowing of his greatest role in 1970's Patton), a great nutbag performance by Sterling Hayden, and James Earl Jones' first ever role, are all perfectly pitched and endlessly inventive. The film's perfection reaches out even to it's smaller, less well-known moments, such as the battles between American soldiers to the background of 'Peace Is Our Profession' billboards, and a great unheard role by the Russian Prime Minister (whose laughable reaction to the events - an unintentional act of treason which unexpectedly may yield armageddon - leads to a great number of Sellers' best lines). The film's pace, slow and deliberate, allows the humor to unfold brilliantly, with the comicly dark plot's pulpit forcing the most intense, pathetic, and ultimately hilarious reactions you're likely to see in any American comedy. And don't forget to look out for the various msiaul clues which Kubrick throws in - some of which are only really obvious through repeat veiwings, which only adds to the film's replayability. Altogether, you have a masterpeice of startling accomplishment which will only get better as time goes on.

14. Rear Window (1954)

13. Monty Python And The Holy Grail (1975)

12. City Lights (1931)

11. Withnail & I (1986)

10. The Decalogue (1988)

9. Pulp Fiction (1994)

8. Grave Of The Fireflies (1988) - One of the only films I've ever seen that truly deglamourizes war in a way that merits meditation, Grave Of The Fireflies is an uncompromised, devastating study of the effects of a country's foolish participation in a war it can't hope to win on it's unfortunate citizens. The film's impact rests mostly on the shoulders of it's two main characters, Seita and his little sister Setsuko, orphans trying to survive on the fringes of a beaten, apathetic society. With little more than genuine love for his little sister and decision-blinding pride driving him forward, Seita tries to be a mother to his sister, with terrible consequences. Of all of the films on this list, I had the hardest time watching this film, which is both soft and gentle with it's characters, yet grim and realistic. The horrors of war are not spared from the audience - the grisly fate of the character's mother is displayed in a surprisingly honest matter - and the plot never allows a convenient escape from their anguish throughout the running length. By the time the film is over, we have seen the death of an entire family, perpetuated by a senseless war, and our feelings are singed and battered, not because the film sensationalizes (it is, after all, based on a true story), but because Isao Takahata has asked us to look the truth straight in the eyes, and delivers it in a neo-realist fashion that refuses to let us go until the painful end. Many people have considered this anime (yes, folks, it's animated) to be the equal of Schindler's List, and in certain ways, they have a point. This would make a great double-billing with Spielberg's film as the ultimate World War II film package; don't expect to go home with anything less than tearfilled eyes and a broken heart.

7. This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

6. Fargo (1996)

5. Annie Hall (1977)

4. Schindler's List (1993) - If there is a better film about the Holocaust around, I would like to see it. Indeed, if there are more than a handful of films I've seen in my film which approach Schindler's List, I would be genuinely surprised. Detractors be damned; this is one of the best, most powerful, and most essential films ever created about any subject. That it's subject is the greatest tragedy of the 20th century is only icing on the cake. After seeing films like The Grey Zone, The Pianist, and even documentaries like Night And Fog, no film I have seen about the holocaust has approached the pinnacle which Spielberg has achieved; this film portrays the horror of the holocaust while slowly, unexpectedly finding hope in what appears to be nothing but ugliness. This means scenes of unimaginable brutality (watch closely when a Jewish man asks a nearby SS to aid his sickly wife) and emotional poetry, including a catharsis which wrenches tears from the eyes every time I watch it (this is decidedly rare for me). Liam Neeson certainly deserved recognition of some kind for his portrayal as the aspiring millionaire turned savior Schindler, but Ralph Fienne's work as Amon Goeth is nothing less than one of the best performances I've been privvy to in all my (21) years. The screenplay intelligently uses both stories to compliment one another (the horror of the camps and the magnitude of the actrocities heighten as Schindler becomes aware of his newly forming plan, creating indelible tension). And the directing by Spielberg is the best of his career (which is about as big a compliment as I'm likely to award in my lifetime) - the film remains fresh for nearly three hours and constantly builds towards it's amazing conclusion. Rarely has a filmmaker blurred the line between tragedy and victory so boldly and successfully, creating a scouring sense of enlightenment, but also one of hope. Perhaps one man really can save the world entire.

3. Goodfellas(1990)

2. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

1. "Raise The Red Lantern" (1991) - When I was 16 years old, I walked into the Nutley Blockbuster to search for a good foreign film. Looking for perhaps a good thriller here or there (the first floor was, as usual, devoid of any contenders), someone approached me and asked if I was loking for any film in particular. Having seen the anime film Metropolis on Encore for about an hour a week or so before and having liked it a bit, I decided that an Asian film would perhaps be the best idea. When the person recommended a Chinese drama from 1991, I can't admit to having been enthusiastic about their choice. Regardless, I decided to give the film a try. Blockbuster decided, after I had kept the VHS of Raise The Red Lantern a good five months, that I wasn't, indeed, returning it, and pulled the film sleeve from the shelves. To say that Raise The Red Lantern is simply a film to me would be horribly untrue; more than any other film or factor, it was the moviegoing experience which shaped my interest in film to degree that I was willing - and, for the first time, enthusiastic - to find other films and try them out. I essentially began by looking for similar contemporaries of the film (this included the fantastic films Farewell My Concubine and To Live, the flawed but somewhat wrenching Temptress Moon, and the sadly ordinary Chinese Box), but eventually, I decided to begin searching abroad as well. Despite being my first real favorite film of any kind (I had liked film before, but merely casually and for entertainment purposes solely), Raise The Red Lantern was a sure 1 spot on my list when I decided to compile one earlier this year. Fortunately, despite amassing a sizable collection of films, the movie was of such a high quality that I never tired of watching it, despite adding names like 'Ozu', 'Kurosawa', 'Bergman', and 'Linklater' (sorry, I was just looking for some variety) to my memory bank. The film's main strength is it's unerring ability to draw my interest, and then swiftly escalate it to the point of being ubearable - the film employs a static, vacuous silence which is ironically deafening in effect. The film's minimalist score, one of the best I've heard, is a raw but haunting hymn (once heard, it is never forgotten), the cinematography is austere and slowly menacing, the beautiful enviroment cast in an unflattering perspective (the castle in which the film is set is more of a prison than anything). The director, Zhang Yimou, is masterful both when developing situations or characters, and has an eye for visuals which hasn't been equalled since the technicolor days of Hollywood. His ability to let the film breathe - there are numerous moments when the camera seems to simply stare and allows us to absorb the events unfolding on screen - is ultimately important to the film's deliberately stark tone. The lead actress, Gong Li, who is also one of my favorite actress at this point (I've seen her in classics and dreck, and she acts movingly regardless), gives her best performance as the intelligent but tragically arrogant Songlian, who captures our sympathy, despite her coldness, in a situation which threatens to wholly consume her individuality and sanity. In addition, the plot is so carefully constructed (and executed) that you may very well end up breathless by the time the film has finished unspooling; without giving too much away, I'll say that the film ends up delivering an emotional punch that I've seldom experienced before or since. The film has had many failed attempts at a properly formatted DVD release (the most infamous being the unforgivable Razor production), but finally landed a spot on MGM's World Films list and was released in a fine - albeit barebones - DVD edition in late July of 2007 (anyone looking for alternatives to this release may like the Hong Kong ERA edition which, in addition to a fine print job, has the interesting - but very, very lame - trailer for the film). For anyone with the money and patience to see a drama which gradually unfolds and constantly resists compromising it's story arc or insulting the viewer's intelligence, Raise The Red Lantern is one of the most satisfying film experiences available from any country, and is undoubtedly the most honest and obvious choice for a number 1 spot I have, for any list of any kind.


Decade breakdown - Overall Total (How Many Made The Top 100)

20's: 2
30's: 1
40's: 5
50's: 10
60's: 7
70's: 12
80's: 21
90's: 31
00's: 11